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[4e] Confessions: "The Down & Under Adventurer"

 
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Will



Joined: 22 Oct 2006
Posts: 395
Location: This Very Ring

PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:01 am    Post subject: [4e] Confessions: "The Down & Under Adventurer" Reply with quote

I wanted to call this thread "Confessions of a Full-Time Retard," but the software won't let me make a title that long and also include the title of the actual article. Oh, well.

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/drcw/20080215a

The whole damn thing is worthless save for these few paragraphs at the end:

Quote:
Probably the most important tool I can get my hands on is a staff of defense[...]

Any old wizard could use an ordinary implement to focus her spells, but an enchanted implement is handier than a collapsible java press. Should Tabitha be sporting one of these charming bad boys, she’d get an enhancement bonus on her attack and damage rolls with her arcane powers. Should I be sporting one of these—well—I’d probably be playing a wizard in a D&D campaign. It’s too bad, because the staff can double as a weapon. Should one of those sneaky-ass crocodiles, clingy stingers or disemboweling koala bears (no, really?) get all up in my business, I’d gain a +1 to my Armor Class (which right now is -3 thanks to a wind resistant jacket and a couple year’s worth of kickboxing classes – and yes, -3 is an improvement).


I snipped out most of the bullshit, but there's a little left in there. Anyway, even this isn't all that much info, but I guess it's something. And nobody has to read the actual article now. My good deed for the day!

-Will
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Glammo



Joined: 12 Sep 2007
Posts: 453
Location: Finding paths and breakin' hearts

PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 10:47 am    Post subject: Re: [4e] Confessions: "The Down & Under Adventurer& Reply with quote

Will wrote:
Quote:
Probably the most important tool I can get my hands on is a staff of defense[...]


I snipped out most of the bullshit...

Oh, no you don't! That ellipsis only forces me to wonder what stupid manner of drivel was cut out!

In fact, before I do something that'll force me to take a drill to my brain in an attempt to unread something, let's just make a game out of it. Without actually hurting yourself by reading the article, let's see how close the rest of us can come to the tortured simile, tired allusion to Vogue magazine-inspired womanocity, or other sort of "joke" she wrote.


Ahem.


Probably the most important tool I can get my hands on is a staff of defense, which, unlike what you might think, has nothing to do with our nation's hunky coastguards. Rowrrr!


Your turn! Wink
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Will



Joined: 22 Oct 2006
Posts: 395
Location: This Very Ring

PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 11:14 am    Post subject: Re: [4e] Confessions: "The Down & Under Adventurer& Reply with quote

Glammo wrote:
Probably the most important tool I can get my hands on is a staff of defense, which, unlike what you might think, has nothing to do with our nation's hunky coastguards. Rowrrr!


Your turn! Wink

Probably the most important tool I can get my hands on is a staff of defense, if you know what I mean, and I think you do! Slurp slurp!

-Will
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izzat



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 276
Location: Will's living room

PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 11:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Probably the most important tool I can get my hands on is a staff of defense[...]

It slices. It dices. It even makes jullienne fries!
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Thomas
Work Safe is for the timid.
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quakemonkey



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 246
Location: at 4e's house, drinkin tea

PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 1:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I quit the group! Mush saved teh brian...oh noews1!! 2 l@t3......
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Glammo



Joined: 12 Sep 2007
Posts: 453
Location: Finding paths and breakin' hearts

PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 3:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wait... so it's...


Quote:
Probably the most important tool I can get my hands on is a staff of defense, I quit the group! Mush saved teh brian...oh noews1!! 2 l@t3.


...I don't get it.

Oh, because you couldn't get the staff of defense in time to save you from a mind flayer? I guess that makes sense. Yeah, I kinda like that. I bit artsy, a bit of a "make the reader infer it" type of deal.

But what does Shelly mean when she says, "I quit the group"? Is she trying to "retire" her character right before her PC dies? Or is it deeper than that? Maybe it's an example of existential anguish or ontilogical uncertainty? Perhaps by "quitting the group," we can all take a moment to reflect on things.



...Nik FTW.
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Will



Joined: 22 Oct 2006
Posts: 395
Location: This Very Ring

PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glammo wrote:
But what does Shelly mean when she says, "I quit the group"?

I have to think she's saying, in her own way, "I WANT NEW PARTYYYYYY!"

Or am I just projecting?

Wink

-Will
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quakemonkey



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 246
Location: at 4e's house, drinkin tea

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

no no no! I nik, quit the group because I am in fear of ruining my brain because of all the Shelly talk, but it's too late because in mid sentence my brain breaks and I realize it and am sad.

Shelly is to DnD what Umaga is to wrestling.
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Will



Joined: 22 Oct 2006
Posts: 395
Location: This Very Ring

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wait, okay...so are you marrying Umaga, or Shelly? Shelly's way hotter, but Umaga provides more intellectually stimulating conversation. That's a tough choice. Well, whichever way you go, I'm 100% behind you, big guy! Go get 'em!

-Will Wink
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Glammo



Joined: 12 Sep 2007
Posts: 453
Location: Finding paths and breakin' hearts

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Will wrote:
Shelly's way hotter, but Umaga provides more intellectually stimulating conversation.

...may I?




Fuckin' BAM!!!!




Very Happy
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